Author: Cinniapolis

Crime

Mayor Intends to Aggressively Pursue Illegal Behavior in the New Year

Mayor Gondola met with the local press this morning and provided his outline for 2024. The majority of his speech was the usual political shtick – improve the economy, raise wages for the working class, make Cinniapolis the greatest city on Earth, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, what’s catching the attention of locals is his promise to detain and punish those that defy his recent … Continue reading Mayor Intends to Aggressively Pursue Illegal Behavior in the New Year

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Weather

Winter 2024 Forecast

After a mild Autumn, Cinniapolis can expect more of the same mildness this Winter. Above average temperatures are expected to last through January, with a possible polar vortex arriving in February. Precipitation levels are expected to hover around normal amounts for much of the Winter months. Of course, nowadays, simple news, such as this weather forecast, cannot avoid politicization. “It’s been a short time since … Continue reading Winter 2024 Forecast

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Top Stories

Outlaw Thanksgiving

“Outlaw Thanksgiving” is trending on CNPS Stream encouraging Cinniapolitans to resist the meat ban in favor of a traditional Thanksgiving turkey meal. Several posts and videos detail the nearest out-of-town grocers, meat suppliers, and back-alley merchants supplying turkeys for the upcoming holiday. In a sign of the times, CSD units have been increasing patrols near city limits to thwart turkey traffickers. CSD CEO Rhonda Dixon … Continue reading Outlaw Thanksgiving

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Crime

Cannibalism On the Rise

The Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD) says it has referred several open investigations into cannibalism crimes to the Cinniapolis Police Department (CPD) and Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL). The CSD told the Chorus they simply don’t have the resources or manpower to fully investigate serious crimes, such as cannibalism. According to their weekly reporting, CSD reported cannibalism crimes have spiked exponentially since the onset of the meat … Continue reading Cannibalism On the Rise

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Business

Fire Protection Wants to Go Private

The Cinniapolis Fire Protection Services (CFPS) announced today that beginning in the Summer of 2024, their services will be privatized and will only serve those addresses which are up-to-date on their bill payments. Mayor Gondola denounced this decision and vowed to find a workable solution for all parties involved. After a record-breaking Summer of lightning strikes and fires, the CFPS leadership attempted to renegotiate its … Continue reading Fire Protection Wants to Go Private

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Opinion

Opinion on Basketball Free Throws

Hello fellow Chorus readers, first-time writer, long-time reader. I’m using this space to air my grievances regarding basketball free throws. There’s so much wrong with them in the game of basketball, I could write a book. But, I’m only dedicated enough to craft this short column. First, why is it a free throw, folks? It’s not a jump throw, it’s a jump shot. It’s not … Continue reading Opinion on Basketball Free Throws

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Classifieds

Bio-Engineered Meat for Sale

The future of meat in Cinniapolis has arrived! Check out these lab-generated steaks produced by Washington Labs! These steaks look real, feel real, smell real, and taste real! Why? Because they are real. Real lab-grown meat. Legal lab-grown meat. Stop picking carrots out of your teeth & get back to chowing down on man’s finest discovery, meat! For a limited time, these Washington Lab Steaks … Continue reading Bio-Engineered Meat for Sale

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Health

Confetti Drug Infiltrating Cinniapolis

The rising popularity of a drug known to users as “Confetti” has gripped the attention of the public. Whether one is pitching their garbage in the back-alley community dumpsters of Walesburg or window shopping down Main Street in Reunion, signs of Confetti use are on prominent display. The drug, Confetti, is a hallucinogenic brightly colored-strip containing multiple chemical ingredients. The size of the strip is … Continue reading Confetti Drug Infiltrating Cinniapolis

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis