Author: Cinniapolis

Crime

Underground Meat Market Mayhem

This morning, a joint-operation between the Cinniapolis Police Department (CPD), Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD), and the Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) stormed the headquarters of a Walesburg illicit meat market masquerading as a beauty salon, resulting in the death of several individuals. The sunrise raid resulted from months of undercover work by agents from each of the 3 Cinniapolis law enforcement agencies. ”It’s a proud day for … Continue reading Underground Meat Market Mayhem

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Weather

Cinni Cindi Spots a Shadow, Maybe

It’s Groundhog Day here in Cinniapolis, which means our local representative from the groundhog community, Cinni Cindi, has made her annual appearance outside the Cinniapolis Post Office to reveal if Cinniapolis is in the crosshairs for another six-weeks of Winter or if Spring is just around the corner. Naturally, there is conflicting information coming out of the sunrise ceremony. CNPS TV reports that Cindi did in … Continue reading Cinni Cindi Spots a Shadow, Maybe

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Health

Food Illness On the Rise

Cinniapolis healthcare facilities reported a record high number of foodborne illnesses over the past 6 months. Food poisoning diagnoses from October 2023 through January 2024 have outpaced food poisoning diagnoses from the past 4 years combined. As a reminder, these are just the reported cases. It’s safe to assume there are others that have gone unnoticed or unreported. The vast majority of these illnesses have stemmed from consumers … Continue reading Food Illness On the Rise

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Business

New Year, New Taxes

It’s customary every year for the Cinniapolis government to introduce new taxes and repeal other taxes upon its citizenry. Most of these transactions are inconsequential and hardly make a difference to each citizen’s tax responsibility, positively or negatively. But a new 2024 tax is catching the attention of Cinniapolitans. The “Restoration of Vital Infrastructure” (RVI) tax imposed this year will be a flat 2% tax on every Cinniapolis … Continue reading New Year, New Taxes

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Crime

Mayor Intends to Aggressively Pursue Illegal Behavior in the New Year

Mayor Gondola met with the local press this morning and provided his outline for 2024. The majority of his speech was the usual political shtick – improve the economy, raise wages for the working class, make Cinniapolis the greatest city on Earth, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, what’s catching the attention of locals is his promise to detain and punish those that defy his recent … Continue reading Mayor Intends to Aggressively Pursue Illegal Behavior in the New Year

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Weather

Winter 2024 Forecast

After a mild Autumn, Cinniapolis can expect more of the same mildness this Winter. Above average temperatures are expected to last through January, with a possible polar vortex arriving in February. Precipitation levels are expected to hover around normal amounts for much of the Winter months. Of course, nowadays, simple news, such as this weather forecast, cannot avoid politicization. “It’s been a short time since … Continue reading Winter 2024 Forecast

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Top Stories

Outlaw Thanksgiving

“Outlaw Thanksgiving” is trending on CNPS Stream encouraging Cinniapolitans to resist the meat ban in favor of a traditional Thanksgiving turkey meal. Several posts and videos detail the nearest out-of-town grocers, meat suppliers, and back-alley merchants supplying turkeys for the upcoming holiday. In a sign of the times, CSD units have been increasing patrols near city limits to thwart turkey traffickers. CSD CEO Rhonda Dixon … Continue reading Outlaw Thanksgiving

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Crime

Cannibalism On the Rise

The Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD) says it has referred several open investigations into cannibalism crimes to the Cinniapolis Police Department (CPD) and Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL). The CSD told the Chorus they simply don’t have the resources or manpower to fully investigate serious crimes, such as cannibalism. According to their weekly reporting, CSD reported cannibalism crimes have spiked exponentially since the onset of the meat … Continue reading Cannibalism On the Rise

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Business

Fire Protection Wants to Go Private

The Cinniapolis Fire Protection Services (CFPS) announced today that beginning in the Summer of 2024, their services will be privatized and will only serve those addresses which are up-to-date on their bill payments. Mayor Gondola denounced this decision and vowed to find a workable solution for all parties involved. After a record-breaking Summer of lightning strikes and fires, the CFPS leadership attempted to renegotiate its … Continue reading Fire Protection Wants to Go Private

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis