Hello fellow Chorus readers, first-time writer, long-time reader. I’m using this space to air my grievances regarding basketball free throws. There’s so much wrong with them in the game of basketball, I could write a book. But, I’m only dedicated enough to craft this short column. First, why is it a free throw, folks? It’s not a jump throw, it’s a jump shot. It’s not … Continue reading Opinion on Basketball Free Throws
The future of meat in Cinniapolis has arrived! Check out these lab-generated steaks produced by Washington Labs! These steaks look real, feel real, smell real, and taste real! Why? Because they are real. Real lab-grown meat. Legal lab-grown meat. Stop picking carrots out of your teeth & get back to chowing down on man’s finest discovery, meat! For a limited time, these Washington Lab Steaks … Continue reading Bio-Engineered Meat for Sale
Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question: Q: Dear Dolly, I am a government insider. I know the secrets of our tyrannical leaders. I have insight into their psychotic methods and evil behavior. But, I fear revealing their secrets will put a target on my back. I don’t want to be in … Continue reading Dear Dolly: Fly on the Wall
The rising popularity of a drug known to users as “Confetti” has gripped the attention of the public. Whether one is pitching their garbage in the back-alley community dumpsters of Walesburg or window shopping down Main Street in Reunion, signs of Confetti use are on prominent display. The drug, Confetti, is a hallucinogenic brightly colored-strip containing multiple chemical ingredients. The size of the strip is … Continue reading Confetti Drug Infiltrating Cinniapolis
Recently, the Chorus reported the relocation of Martha’s EyeCare and the exit of Fowler Chophouse from Cinniapolis due to rising crime and tyrannical policies set forth by Mayor Gondola’s administration. This morning, back-to-back press releases were published from the Mayor’s office. It is certainly odd for a government entity to make announcements regarding private businesses but these are odd times. Each press release is presented, … Continue reading Stay Right There!
The CNPS-TV meteorology team presents good news for the Autumn 2023 forecast, if you like warmer temps through the October and November months. Unfortunately for those preferring Winter temps that arrive as early as October, this Fall might not meet those expectations. CNPS-TV Lead Meteorologist, Fran Dimple assessed the long-range forecast for this Autumn, “We’re going to see an extension of the dry, arid Summer … Continue reading Autumn 2023 Forecast
The first-ever meat trafficker was arrested yesterday by undercover CPD officers in Walesburg. The operation was part of a months-long sting, after receiving a tip in July about planned underground meat markets conducting clandestine business in the back-alleys of Walesburg. Trent Leddo, a retired Cinni Prep teacher, was arrested selling 100 lbs. of ground beef, chicken wings, and pork tenderloins to the CPD in the … Continue reading Meat Trafficker Arrested
Before the first take-home meal kit could be sold, Fowler Chophouse announced on their CNPS Stream that they will no longer be offering any take-home meal kits that include meat. They will also not be selling any cuts of meat for customers to take home. The video noted that they were in contact with the recently reinstated Cinniapolis Police Department (CPD), who informed them that … Continue reading Fowler Halts To-Go Meat & Meal Sales
Starting this Friday at 11:00 AM, come in to Fowler Chophouse to celebrate 64 years of family, food, and filled bellies. Everything must go! And, everything must go at steeply discounted prices! Spend all weekend getting the meat sweats from our Rotisserie Chicken or Sweet & Spicy Ribs. We’ll even be serving up breakfast and lunch entrees to move through their our inventory. Prime Rib … Continue reading The Last Supper…Breakfast and Lunch, All Weekend Long!
Mayor Gondola’s administration approved legislation for scheduled rolling residential blackouts beginning in the Summer of 2024. Stacked on top of the pending meat ban, the scheduled blackouts are another salvo from this administration in its fight against climate change. The administration will partner with Grover Electric, the sole electricity provider in Cinniapolis, to schedule these blackouts during times of minimum electricity usage. President of Grover … Continue reading Residential Rolling Blackouts Approved
