The missing mayor has been located back in Cinniapolis. Mayor Gondola was seen exiting his private jet and swiftly being driven away by a fleet of black HSL SUVs. This marks the first time the mayor has been seen in public since early September. Mayor Gondola is notoriously bashful around the press but never before has he been unavailable for comment for several weeks. The … Continue reading Mayor Gondola Sighting at Bluerock Airport
A major snowstorm event is headed directly for Cinniapolis this weekend. The updated forecast shows the snow starting Friday around sunrise and continuing through sundown Saturday evening. The heaviest snowfall is expected Friday night into Saturday morning. CNPS-TV has issued a blizzard advisory starting Friday at 3:00 PM lasting until 11:00 AM on Saturday. Winds are expected to exceed 50 miles per hour during some … Continue reading CNPS-TV Weather Alert: Up to 24″ of Snow Expected
The mysterious creature terrorizing Cinniapolitans and their pet animals has been exterminated. The Holy Sheriff Legion confirmed there was a fatal confrontation between the beast and a group of volunteers early this morning. However, sources confirmed this was no beast but a human. A relative arrived to CSD headquarters to identify the remains as Russ Wahl, a Cinniapolis citizen that raised eyebrows with his publicized, … Continue reading Mystery Solved, Sadly
Last night, the activist group calling themselves Private Citizens uploaded a short video to CNPS Stream that has garnered hundreds of thousands of views overnight into this morning. The video titled “Warning: Hypocrite!!!” was edited showing clips from previous Mayor Gondola appearances explaining the various points of his proposed climate agenda. Those quotes are juxtaposed with amateur footage from the Private Citizens themselves, in what … Continue reading “Private Citizens” Expose Gondola Alleged Climate Hypocrisy
Head Coach Benny Marmalade summed up this season succinctly, “When we were good, we were great. When we were bad, we were awful,” he said. Leave it to classic, non-specific coachspeak to put a stamp on another promising yet ultimately disappointing season for the Catfish. The team missed out on the postseason for the sixth straight season and local supporters are starting to loudly question … Continue reading Cinni Prep Football Misses Postseason Again
During Mayor Gondola’s August State of the City speech, he alluded to gas powered automobiles as a detriment to the environment and promised to usher in an era of clean energy electric automobiles. While he didn’t specifically mention them by name, his administration has been eager to roll out their new electric snow plow trucks as proof that automobiles of the future will be powered … Continue reading Mayor Gondola’s Electric Snow Plow Fleet Gets First Test Next Week
The most candy-centric holiday is just around the corner. Pick up your candy today at Thick Pickins. The trick-or-treaters put a lot of thought and effort into their costumes this year. The least our shoppers can do is reward them with sweet treats. Thick Pickins Choco-Caramel Bites – 1 LB. bagreg $7.99 / sale $3.49 Thick Pickins Candy Apple Taffy – 1 LB. bagreg $6.49 … Continue reading All Halloween Candy Must Go!
This is one October surprise not crafted by politicians. The headline is true, a snowstorm event will reach Cinniapolis next weekend. Early models forecast three to ten inches falling over the span of 24 hours from Friday evening into Saturday evening. While this event could be on the mild side, the forecast does guarantee measurable snow. Whether or not it’ll be several inches should be … Continue reading Snowstorm Heading to Cinniapolis
The spooky season is approaching its finale and if you’re above the age of 12, you may need some last-minute, quick and easy costume ideas. Allow the Chorus to step in and provide our readers with low maintenance costume ideas that will save you the trouble of answering “Why didn’t you dress up this year?”. Conspiracy Theorist: dress comfortably and say odd things about government … Continue reading Last Minute Halloween Costumes: Quick and Easy
The Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) is organizing a hunting party to track, trap, or kill the mystery creature terrorizing Cinniapolitans and their dogs. There have been multiple reported incidents but the HSL suspects there have been several unreported incidents due to numerous animal cremation requests to Huron Funeral Home. Any volunteers must provide their own supplies. The HSL will not provide arms, ammo, or trapping … Continue reading Calling All Skilled Men, Women, and Teenagers
