FOR SALE: 12 lb. Beef Brisket, $35 per pound. Organic, grass-fed beef that melts in your mouth. Brisket is a delicate treat that cooks up swell on your BBQ or Smoker. It can even be cooked in the oven. Get this brisket before the Gondolas outlaw all the beef and prices surge higher. Don’t try Thick Pickins or Dragg’s, they’re out of stock, maybe forever. … Continue reading Meat For Sale
The CNPS-TV meteorology team presents good news for the Autumn 2022 forecast, if you like cooler temps and snowfall in the October and Novembers months. Unfortunately for those preferring Summer temps that last well into November, this Fall may resemble Winter more than Summer. The CNPS-TV Storm Squad predicts snow arriving in mid-October. While snow this time of year is quickly here then gone, lead … Continue reading Autumn 2022 Forecast
Recently, the Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD) and Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) joint task force notably arrested Annabelle Winston, aka Painfree-B, and several of her associates on suspicions of theft, drug trafficking, and drug distribution. This task force was the first joint mission between the newly formed CSD and the new privately contracted HSL. The success of this operation was touted as a triumph of public … Continue reading Painfree-B: Community Folk Hero or Drug-Peddling Menace?
Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question: Q: Dear Dolly, with all this talk about meat regulation, climate ending the world, and never-ending bickering between political opponents, what’s the best way to block out all this noise? Or is it best to turn up the volume and fully lean in to the … Continue reading Dear Dolly: Middling Moderate
Recently, the Chorus hit the streets to find out how Cinniapolitans feel about their birth name’s effect on their mental health. The emergence of mental health has gripped the city and re-wired how people view themselves, and their treatment of others. We interviewed a local in his 30s named Anderson, but goes by Sonny. “Anderson, to me, always sounded very boring and plain. Growing up, … Continue reading What’s in a Name?
Nervous about the milk supply? Anxious about the surging prices from dairy cattle products? If you replied yes or no, then make the switch to almond milk today before the government cancels your mother and father’s milk. Thick Pickins Choice is the homegrown almond milk for all of Cinniapolis. 64 oz. cartons now on sale for just $2.29. Pour yourself a cold glass today! Continue reading Try This!
The red meat panic reached local butcher Gregory Dragg’s store last night. Thieves broke in through the backdoor and made off with dozens of cuts of red meat. No cash or electronics were taken, only the red meat. The thieves stole everything from prime cuts to select cuts of beef, pork, lamb, and venison. However, the white meats were left untouched. The outspoken owner, Mr. … Continue reading Dragg Meat and Dairy Ransacked
Delivering the strongest rebuke yet from Mayor Gondola’s administration, City Manager Justine Wellington spoke out against the violence following the recent Freedom Forever Rally. Ms. Wellington condemned the actions of rioters and praised law enforcement, promising severe consequences for all those that destroyed property and assaulted law enforcement agents. “Cinniapolis will not tolerate the actions that followed the Freedom Forever Rally. It is unacceptable for … Continue reading City Manager Wellington Condemns Events Following Rally
A city reeling from the aftermath of last week’s tragic Freedom Forever Rally forged ahead with their annual fashion week festivities with a toned down celebration. While the same flair and style were present from all the designers showcases, the crowds were sparse. The level of enthusiasm waned as the week progressed. At times, the increased security outnumbered attendees. Once a staple of Cinniapolis summers, … Continue reading Muted Fashion Week Comes to a Close
In the wake of recent turmoil and the burning down of the Cinniapolis Performing Arts Theatre, Cinniapolis Ballet Director, Lucy Drysdale addressed their fans in a written statement to the press: The tragic events that transpired after the Freedom Forever Rally culminating with the Performing Arts Theatre burning to the ground have no place in Cinniapolis. I, along with the Cinniapolis Ballet, condemn the agitators … Continue reading Cinniapolis Ballet Cancelled
Cinniapolis Chorus 