FOR RENT: Gravy Boat. A perfect vessel for your gravies this holiday season. Wow your guests with this white ceramic masterpiece. There is no finer material than ceramic to hold the heat of your gravy. Last time I checked, nobody is reaching for cold gravy. The intricate bright blue floral detailing around the rim and handle will drive dinner table conversation. Call or text 555-872-1621, … Continue reading Boat for Rent
The most anticipated sequel of 2022 premiered to a sold-out audience at Amerovich Cinema in Reunion last night. The midnight screening delighted theater-goers with consistent action, cheeky dialogue, and yet another satisfying cliffhanger to build anticipation for the final installment of The Black Lion trilogy. The Black Lion II promised a definitive viewing experience, and boy did it deliver. The action picks up a few … Continue reading Review: The Black Lion II
Two weeks ago, Russ Wahl was shot to death by ordinary citizens organized and chaperoned by Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) agents. Read that sentence again. A Cinniapolitan was shot to death by fellow Cinniapolitans. Where is the outrage? It seems as if police brutality is becoming mainstream again. Not only is it mainstream, but it is being outsourced to regular, everyday people. Is this the … Continue reading Opinion on Cinniapolis Law Enforcement
Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question: Q: Dear Dolly, Thanksgiving is just a short time away and my wife and I have volunteered to host Thanksgiving dinner for our family and friends, as we always do. It’s really a favorite time of year for me personally because I enjoy cooking, conversing, and … Continue reading Dear Dolly: Gobblin’ Grump
Just a couple days after a historic snowstorm blanketed Cinniapolis in nearly two feet of snow, a swift increase in temperatures has caused flooding in sections of the Walesburg and Reunion neighborhoods. Residents are reporting flooding in their basements, backyards, and side streets, in addition to reports of businesses being looted. Many residents are claiming the city drainage system is failing because of the unpleasant … Continue reading Rapid Snowmelt Floods Areas of Cinniapolis
While the snow has finally stopped accumulating, the snow clean up is just getting started. The city’s electric snow plow fleet has been pulled from the streets following reports the city instructed Grover Electric to draw power from the Walesburg grid to the Public Works Department in Centralis to maintain frequent charging for the electric snow plows. Power was quickly restored to Walesburg after the … Continue reading Murphy Garbage Trucks Pulling Double Duty
Russ Wahl passed away at the age of 55 years old. He met an unexpected, tragic death by gunfire. Mr. Wahl is survived by his adopted daughter (Sally). He had an inquisitive mind devoted to the betterment of humanity. Mr. Wahl famously used his own body in an effort to eliminate choking as a human hazard. While the outcome was negative, his intentions were nothing … Continue reading Russ Wahl (1966-2022)
Thick Pickins surge pricing that went into effect this past Friday at 12:00 PM has been cancelled. We have returned to our regular everyday pricing. Please shop our flash sales on featured items below that were previously put on surge. Thick Pickins Extra Soft Toilet Tissue Thick Pickins Canola Oil Huron Farm Orange Juice Irvin Farm Carrot Cake Morris Farm Maple Syrup As always, please … Continue reading Attention Thick Pickins Customers: Surge Pricing Cancelled
Grover Electric reports there are nearly 50,000 customers in Walesburg without power as of this morning. Grover Electric President Jade Gondola said, “Our crews are currently investigating the outage and will be working non-stop to restore electricity as soon as possible. We will provide updates as new information becomes available.” The current outages are a mystery at the moment. The blizzard advisory has been cancelled. … Continue reading Power Outages Reported in Walesburg
Mayor Gondola’s highly touted electric snow plows are failing their first major test. Several plow operators were told to abandon their vehicles when their truck’s battery unexpectedly ran out of power. One driver, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “Yeah, it was after about 15 minutes of driving, all the sudden, the low battery alert chimed. I was able to make it back to the … Continue reading Electric Snow Plows, More Like Electric No Plows
Cinniapolis Chorus 