Author: Cinniapolis

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Solar Power Systems Back in Stock!

Grover Electric wants Cinniapolitans to know that they don’t have to live in the dark ages any longer because our patented Grover Electric Solar Systems are back in stock!!! This popular companion to grid electricity will power your home through the Summer’s planned power outages. Don’t dwindle in the darkness, saunter and shine in the solar revolution!!! Grover Electric-designed systems exceed the need for traditional … Continue reading Solar Power Systems Back in Stock!

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Business

CFPS Agrees to Restructured Contract Through December 2025

Recent tensions between the Cinniapolis Fire Protection Services (CFPS) and Cinniapolis City Council simmered enough for both sides to restructure the current CFPS contract lasting through December 2025. The newly structured contract avoids a messy transition for the CFPS going from a public to private entity while preserving the promises of City Council. “We never expected it to get this far,” said an anonymous aide … Continue reading CFPS Agrees to Restructured Contract Through December 2025

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Business

Penney’s Fish Market to Buy Out Dragg Meat and Dairy

Since meat was officially banned in Cinniapolis on September 5th, several meat suppliers and retailers have closed their doors or left town. However, Dragg Meat and Dairy decided to stand its ground in Cinniapolis selling its meat and dairy products while paying any fines when audited by local government inspectors. Gregory Dragg announced today that he accepted an offer to sell Dragg Meat and Dairy … Continue reading Penney’s Fish Market to Buy Out Dragg Meat and Dairy

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Weather

Summer 2024 Forecast

Say goodbye to the coldest Spring on record and hello to a sizzling Summer in Cinniapolis. The long range forecast for Summer 2024 is hot, hot, hot. After a frigid Spring, June surprisingly started with a heat wave leading to what looks like the hottest June since 1958. While the warmer temps are welcomed after a prolonged several months of Winter-Spring-like weather, the residential power … Continue reading Summer 2024 Forecast

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Top Stories

Lights Out! Cinniapolis Goes Dark

The planned power outages went into effect for the Walesburg and Centralis residential areas yesterday. While moderate temperatures lessened the burden of losing electricity during daylight hours, Cinniapolitans lamented the decision to go forward with this plan. Especially since the postponed annual May Town Hall has yet to be rescheduled. On May 2nd, the City Council announced a rescheduled Town Hall for May 29th, which … Continue reading Lights Out! Cinniapolis Goes Dark

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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HUGE Generator Sale!!!

Do the over-reaching, extreme policies of our Government have you feeling powerless??? Then, now is the time to take your power back with the help of Thick Pickins Gold-Series Generators. Our Gold-Series gas-powered generators are available in multiple models with varying degrees of wattage to suit your home’s needs. Save those dimly-lit candles for bubble baths on a Thursday night! Generate peace of mind with … Continue reading HUGE Generator Sale!!!

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Events

May Town Hall Postponed

The Cinniapolis City Council has announced the May Town Hall will be postponed from May 9th to May 29th. City Manager, Buck Gondola, advised that the Government will need more time to engage the public in thoughtful discussions surrounding flash point topics such as the Summer planned power outages, the status of CFPS negotiations, and the attempted secession of Walesburg. Cinniapolitans in every corner of … Continue reading May Town Hall Postponed

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Advice

Dear Dolly: Bummed Bodacious Bachelor

Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question: Q: Dear Dolly, while I certainly don’t intend to come off as a braggadocio, I want to let Cinniapolis know that I am quite a catch. I am fit, consume ALL of the necessary vitamins and supplements for peak physical appearance, responsibly budget for biannual … Continue reading Dear Dolly: Bummed Bodacious Bachelor

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Top Stories

CFPS Firehouses Raided

This morning, a joint task force consisting of HSL agents, CPD officers, and CSD officers carried out a pre-dawn raid at 9 of the 39 CFPS firehouses operating in Cinniapolis districts. Law enforcement agents were seen rushing into local firehouses and escorting out fire department personnel in handcuffs. Sources indicate no arrests have been made. Law enforcement protocol is to detain any persons on the … Continue reading CFPS Firehouses Raided

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Special Report

Walesburg Planning Secession from Cinniapolis?

Well, if the upcoming May Town Hall hadn’t piqued the public’s interest through the leak of this Summer’s planned power outages, Walesburg’s attempt to form its own city might. The Chorus learned early this morning that local business leaders have been researching the interest and capability of Walesburg residents to transform their neighborhood into its own city, outside the jurisdiction of Cinniapolis. The movement is … Continue reading Walesburg Planning Secession from Cinniapolis?

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis