Early yesterday morning, a group of hooded and masked individuals broke into Murphy Waste Management. While they didn’t appear to target any of the machinery parts or other lucrative items located in the trash processing center, the thieves mysteriously ran off with bags full of garbage. Surveillance footage shows the group bypass the commercial trash piles in favor of the residential ones. From there, they absconded with dozens of trash bags. Exterior footage showed the thieves pile the trash into two cargo vans and speed off before the Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD) arrived on the scene to respond to the tripped alarm.

When reached for comment, CSD CEO Rhonda Dixon said, “We currently don’t have any suspects in custody but we have assembled persons of interest.” This seemingly pointless break-in continues the recent trend of small-time burglaries within Cinniapolis. Petty theft has skyrocketed since the Cinniapolis Police Department was disbanded in 2021. The chairman of the board for Murphy Waste Management, Chess Murphy, said, “Crime is a booming industry in Cinniapolis. This once great city is now at the mercy of thugs, so addicted to theft that they steal garbage. The common criminal is pampered, spoiled, and coddled by our relaxed law enforcement and broken criminal justice system. But, with a Gondola in charge, citizens will never be safe from progressive policies that endanger law abiding citizens. It’s about time Cinniapolis holds an emergency special election to remove Mayor Gondola immediately.”