Martha’s EyeCare Packing Up and Leaving Town

Martha’s EyeCare, an optometry center operating in Cinniapolis since 2003, is leaving town after nearly 20 years. Martha Granderson, owner and founder, decided to make the move after the recent re-election of Mayor Gondola. Over the past few years, Ms. Granderson has been harassed while her office has been vandalized and robbed multiple times. “It’s a tragedy that’s unfolding in real time. Thugs roam the … Continue reading Martha’s EyeCare Packing Up and Leaving Town

Summer 2023 Forecast

Expect the dry conditions to continue this Summer as Cinniapolis precipitation levels approach record lows. A mild Winter bled into a mild Spring which is leading to a dry, mild Summer. While this weather is preferable for Lake Sinnissippi beach-goers, it is kryptonite for local harvests. Five Families Farms recently reduced their projected fruit and vegetable crop growth to account for lack of natural precipitation … Continue reading Summer 2023 Forecast

Protest Against Video Game Violence Breaks Out in Violence

Activists arrived to Thick Pickins electronic department yesterday evening to allegedly shame and protest video game purchasers who were buying games with violent content. The group of 10 activists stood in the video game aisle and attempted to physically block consumers from the games they intended to purchase. Some folks simply walked away saying they’ll purchase their games at a local boutique video game shop, … Continue reading Protest Against Video Game Violence Breaks Out in Violence

Post-Valentine’s Day Clearance Sale!!!

Hurry in to Thick Pickins today for record-breaking deals!!! All Valentine’s decor must go! All Valentine’s themed candies must go! All Valentine’s flower arrangements (you guessed it) must go! Valentine’s Decorations – up to 65% off regular price Valentine’s Candies – up to 75% off regular price Valentine’s Flowers – up to 85% off regular price Stop in today to pick up your belated Valentine … Continue reading Post-Valentine’s Day Clearance Sale!!!

Last Minute Thanksgiving Savings + Black Friday Raffle, Shop Now!

It’s nearly here! Thanksgiving, the bridge from Satan’s holiday to Santa’s holiday. Around these parts, Thanksgiving is the top holiday at Thick Pickins. It’s our favorite time of year to pass along historic savings to make this turkey day the best one yet. Stop in before Thursday to shop our sales and receive Black Friday raffle tickets. Shoppers will receive one Black Friday raffle ticket … Continue reading Last Minute Thanksgiving Savings + Black Friday Raffle, Shop Now!

Free Cardiology Appointments

Thick Pickins Health Center is offering free cardiology appointments, now through the end of November. Come see one of our fine cardiologists to get your annual check-up for cholesterol, blood pressure, and your ticker. Now is the time to find out if your heart is healthy enough for a fifth helping of turkey and fixings. Don’t forget to visit our Heart Healthy aisle, filled with … Continue reading Free Cardiology Appointments

Attention Thick Pickins Customers: Surge Pricing Cancelled

Thick Pickins surge pricing that went into effect this past Friday at 12:00 PM has been cancelled. We have returned to our regular everyday pricing. Please shop our flash sales on featured items below that were previously put on surge. Thick Pickins Extra Soft Toilet Tissue Thick Pickins Canola Oil Huron Farm Orange Juice Irvin Farm Carrot Cake Morris Farm Maple Syrup As always, please … Continue reading Attention Thick Pickins Customers: Surge Pricing Cancelled

CNPS-TV Weather Alert: Up to 24″ of Snow Expected

A major snowstorm event is headed directly for Cinniapolis this weekend. The updated forecast shows the snow starting Friday around sunrise and continuing through sundown Saturday evening. The heaviest snowfall is expected Friday night into Saturday morning. CNPS-TV has issued a blizzard advisory starting Friday at 3:00 PM lasting until 11:00 AM on Saturday. Winds are expected to exceed 50 miles per hour during some … Continue reading CNPS-TV Weather Alert: Up to 24″ of Snow Expected