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Attention Thick Pickins Customers: Surge Pricing Cancelled

Thick Pickins surge pricing that went into effect this past Friday at 12:00 PM has been cancelled. We have returned to our regular everyday pricing. Please shop our flash sales on featured items below that were previously put on surge. Thick Pickins Extra Soft Toilet Tissue Thick Pickins Canola Oil Huron Farm Orange Juice Irvin Farm Carrot Cake Morris Farm Maple Syrup As always, please … Continue reading Attention Thick Pickins Customers: Surge Pricing Cancelled

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Top Stories

Power Outages Reported in Walesburg

Grover Electric reports there are nearly 50,000 customers in Walesburg without power as of this morning. Grover Electric President Jade Gondola said, “Our crews are currently investigating the outage and will be working non-stop to restore electricity as soon as possible. We will provide updates as new information becomes available.” The current outages are a mystery at the moment. The blizzard advisory has been cancelled. … Continue reading Power Outages Reported in Walesburg

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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Electric Snow Plows, More Like Electric No Plows

Mayor Gondola’s highly touted electric snow plows are failing their first major test. Several plow operators were told to abandon their vehicles when their truck’s battery unexpectedly ran out of power. One driver, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “Yeah, it was after about 15 minutes of driving, all the sudden, the low battery alert chimed. I was able to make it back to the … Continue reading Electric Snow Plows, More Like Electric No Plows

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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Cinniapolis Leaders Push Out Electric Snow Plows

Surrounded by members of the City Council, executives from Grover Electric, and supportive spectators, Mayor Gondola ceremoniously “pushed out” the first electric snow plow into duty to begin clearing the streets of snow as flurries fell earlier this morning. The mayor took a cue from the traditional “push-in” ceremony used by fire departments when they add a new truck to their fleet. “This is an … Continue reading Cinniapolis Leaders Push Out Electric Snow Plows

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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Mayor Gondola Sighting at Bluerock Airport

The missing mayor has been located back in Cinniapolis. Mayor Gondola was seen exiting his private jet and swiftly being driven away by a fleet of black HSL SUVs. This marks the first time the mayor has been seen in public since early September. Mayor Gondola is notoriously bashful around the press but never before has he been unavailable for comment for several weeks. The … Continue reading Mayor Gondola Sighting at Bluerock Airport

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Weather

CNPS-TV Weather Alert: Up to 24″ of Snow Expected

A major snowstorm event is headed directly for Cinniapolis this weekend. The updated forecast shows the snow starting Friday around sunrise and continuing through sundown Saturday evening. The heaviest snowfall is expected Friday night into Saturday morning. CNPS-TV has issued a blizzard advisory starting Friday at 3:00 PM lasting until 11:00 AM on Saturday. Winds are expected to exceed 50 miles per hour during some … Continue reading CNPS-TV Weather Alert: Up to 24″ of Snow Expected

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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Mystery Solved, Sadly

The mysterious creature terrorizing Cinniapolitans and their pet animals has been exterminated. The Holy Sheriff Legion confirmed there was a fatal confrontation between the beast and a group of volunteers early this morning. However, sources confirmed this was no beast but a human. A relative arrived to CSD headquarters to identify the remains as Russ Wahl, a Cinniapolis citizen that raised eyebrows with his publicized, … Continue reading Mystery Solved, Sadly

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
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“Private Citizens” Expose Gondola Alleged Climate Hypocrisy

Last night, the activist group calling themselves Private Citizens uploaded a short video to CNPS Stream that has garnered hundreds of thousands of views overnight into this morning. The video titled “Warning: Hypocrite!!!” was edited showing clips from previous Mayor Gondola appearances explaining the various points of his proposed climate agenda. Those quotes are juxtaposed with amateur footage from the Private Citizens themselves, in what … Continue reading “Private Citizens” Expose Gondola Alleged Climate Hypocrisy

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Sports

Cinni Prep Football Misses Postseason Again

Head Coach Benny Marmalade summed up this season succinctly, “When we were good, we were great. When we were bad, we were awful,” he said. Leave it to classic, non-specific coachspeak to put a stamp on another promising yet ultimately disappointing season for the Catfish. The team missed out on the postseason for the sixth straight season and local supporters are starting to loudly question … Continue reading Cinni Prep Football Misses Postseason Again

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis
Technology

Mayor Gondola’s Electric Snow Plow Fleet Gets First Test Next Week

During Mayor Gondola’s August State of the City speech, he alluded to gas powered automobiles as a detriment to the environment and promised to usher in an era of clean energy electric automobiles. While he didn’t specifically mention them by name, his administration has been eager to roll out their new electric snow plow trucks as proof that automobiles of the future will be powered … Continue reading Mayor Gondola’s Electric Snow Plow Fleet Gets First Test Next Week

Unknown's avatarCinniapolis