Local Business Leaders Petition City Council for 2023 Special Election

City Council received a petition signed by numerous Cinniapolis business leaders calling for a special Mayoral election to be held in January 2023, nearly two years before the scheduled November 2024 election. Sources indicate rising crime rates and the general ineptitude of the current administration lies at the feet of Mayor Gondola. Local businesses said they’ve suffered significant financial losses due to the forced pandemic … Continue reading Local Business Leaders Petition City Council for 2023 Special Election

CinniapolisNovember 18, 2022

Sports

’22 Derby Results Upheld

A committee of City Council members heard testimony from concerned parties over the past several days regarding the controversial photo finish from last Summer’s Cinniapolis Derby. The committee found no new compelling information to pursue the release of the photo finish to the public. After an initial public backlash at the decision to withhold the photo, tensions seemed to have eased over the past several … Continue reading ’22 Derby Results Upheld

CinniapolisNovember 17, 2022November 17, 2022

Free Cardiology Appointments

Thick Pickins Health Center is offering free cardiology appointments, now through the end of November. Come see one of our fine cardiologists to get your annual check-up for cholesterol, blood pressure, and your ticker. Now is the time to find out if your heart is healthy enough for a fifth helping of turkey and fixings. Don’t forget to visit our Heart Healthy aisle, filled with … Continue reading Free Cardiology Appointments

CinniapolisNovember 17, 2022

Classifieds

Boat for Rent

FOR RENT: Gravy Boat. A perfect vessel for your gravies this holiday season. Wow your guests with this white ceramic masterpiece. There is no finer material than ceramic to hold the heat of your gravy. Last time I checked, nobody is reaching for cold gravy. The intricate bright blue floral detailing around the rim and handle will drive dinner table conversation. Call or text 555-872-1621, … Continue reading Boat for Rent

CinniapolisNovember 11, 2022

Entertainment

Review: The Black Lion II

The most anticipated sequel of 2022 premiered to a sold-out audience at Amerovich Cinema in Reunion last night. The midnight screening delighted theater-goers with consistent action, cheeky dialogue, and yet another satisfying cliffhanger to build anticipation for the final installment of The Black Lion trilogy. The Black Lion II promised a definitive viewing experience, and boy did it deliver. The action picks up a few … Continue reading Review: The Black Lion II

CinniapolisNovember 11, 2022

Opinion

Opinion on Cinniapolis Law Enforcement

Two weeks ago, Russ Wahl was shot to death by ordinary citizens organized and chaperoned by Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) agents. Read that sentence again. A Cinniapolitan was shot to death by fellow Cinniapolitans. Where is the outrage? It seems as if police brutality is becoming mainstream again. Not only is it mainstream, but it is being outsourced to regular, everyday people. Is this the … Continue reading Opinion on Cinniapolis Law Enforcement

CinniapolisNovember 10, 2022November 10, 2022

Advice

Dear Dolly: Gobblin’ Grump

Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question: Q: Dear Dolly, Thanksgiving is just a short time away and my wife and I have volunteered to host Thanksgiving dinner for our family and friends, as we always do. It’s really a favorite time of year for me personally because I enjoy cooking, conversing, and … Continue reading Dear Dolly: Gobblin’ Grump

CinniapolisNovember 10, 2022

Rapid Snowmelt Floods Areas of Cinniapolis

Just a couple days after a historic snowstorm blanketed Cinniapolis in nearly two feet of snow, a swift increase in temperatures has caused flooding in sections of the Walesburg and Reunion neighborhoods. Residents are reporting flooding in their basements, backyards, and side streets, in addition to reports of businesses being looted. Many residents are claiming the city drainage system is failing because of the unpleasant … Continue reading Rapid Snowmelt Floods Areas of Cinniapolis

CinniapolisNovember 9, 2022November 10, 2022

Murphy Garbage Trucks Pulling Double Duty

While the snow has finally stopped accumulating, the snow clean up is just getting started. The city’s electric snow plow fleet has been pulled from the streets following reports the city instructed Grover Electric to draw power from the Walesburg grid to the Public Works Department in Centralis to maintain frequent charging for the electric snow plows. Power was quickly restored to Walesburg after the … Continue reading Murphy Garbage Trucks Pulling Double Duty

CinniapolisNovember 4, 2022

Obituaries

Russ Wahl (1966-2022)

Russ Wahl passed away at the age of 55 years old. He met an unexpected, tragic death by gunfire. Mr. Wahl is survived by his adopted daughter (Sally). He had an inquisitive mind devoted to the betterment of humanity. Mr. Wahl famously used his own body in an effort to eliminate choking as a human hazard. While the outcome was negative, his intentions were nothing … Continue reading Russ Wahl (1966-2022)

CinniapolisNovember 3, 2022