This morning, a joint-operation between the Cinniapolis Police Department (CPD), Cinniapolis Safety Department (CSD), and the Holy Sheriff Legion (HSL) stormed the headquarters of a Walesburg illicit meat market masquerading as a beauty salon, resulting in the death of several individuals.

The sunrise raid resulted from months of undercover work by agents from each of the 3 Cinniapolis law enforcement agencies. ”It’s a proud day for Cinniapolitans everywhere. The cooperation shown within the CSD, CPD and HSL is proof no criminal network or organization can be successful in this town,” said General John Chester, the HSL Chief of Operations. The task force carried out several missions over the past several months to dismantle and destroy Cinniapolis’ largest underground meat market.

Operation Stop Sizzle confiscated over 1000 lbs. of various meats ranging from commonly consumed meats like chicken, turkey, and beef to lesser known selections such as goose, squirrel, and rabbit. ”Our brave men and women risked their health to eat some of these disease-riddled meats. That’s how these maniacs (illegal meat dealers) operate, they make you taste test your purchase to prove you are a true meat eater. We provided the best healthcare to our undercover agents and can proudly report the illnesses they contracted from illicit meats are non-life threatening,” said Mr. Chester.

The ring leader of this illegal meat market, known as “Night Shift”, was terminated during the raid. ”We are still in the process of identifying the remains of the criminals eliminated but we can confirm their leader, Night Shift, is deceased,” Mr. Chester said. ”We discovered that sunrise is his close of business. He was smart enough to try to cover his illegal actions under the darkness of the night sky. But, he did not account for weak, unstable tweakers detailing his operation for the promise of a juicy New York Strip steak,” said Mr. Chester. ”Once we had a working knowledge of his business, we infiltrated his organization with undercovers and planned this raid to end his lordship over weak-minded meat addicts. Let this be a message to other criminals planning to fill the meat vacuum left by Night Shift’s termination; your sizzling meats have no place in our city.”

Cinniapolitans lingering appetite for meat gave rise to a powerful criminal, according to Cinniapolis authorities. Although, as his customers tell it, Night Shift simply medicated the meat addicts. One local, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “He was normal guy. He saw an opportunity to make a few dollars and ran with it. When his sales took off, he used his profits procure higher quality meats. The rancid meats confiscated today, he likely would’ve destroyed because he was an honorable dude that cared for his customers.”