Walesburg Votes to Secede from Cinniapolis

Yesterday, the Cinniapolis City Council oversaw a snap election regarding referendum 25781 concerning the establishment of Walesburg as an independent township. This morning, the City Council confirmed the rumored results of that vote granting Walesburg secession from Cinniapolis. “This is an historic moment for Walesburg. Its citizens have been left behind, been dumped on, and unfairly persecuted for all that ails Cinniapolis. Walesburg is no … Continue reading Walesburg Votes to Secede from Cinniapolis

CinniapolisOctober 3, 2024

CFPS Firehouses Raided

This morning, a joint task force consisting of HSL agents, CPD officers, and CSD officers carried out a pre-dawn raid at 9 of the 39 CFPS firehouses operating in Cinniapolis districts. Law enforcement agents were seen rushing into local firehouses and escorting out fire department personnel in handcuffs. Sources indicate no arrests have been made. Law enforcement protocol is to detain any persons on the … Continue reading CFPS Firehouses Raided

CinniapolisApril 12, 2024

Talks Stalled In CFPS Negotiations

Last Fall, news broke that Cinniapolis Fire Protection Services (CFPS) intended to privatize their trash pickup services beginning July 1, 2024 even though their current contract expires at the end of December 2025. At the time, City Council dismissed this as a negotiating tactic. As July 1 moves closer, Council members are hardening their tone towards the CFPS. Mayor Gondola’s office released a statement to … Continue reading Talks Stalled In CFPS Negotiations

CinniapolisFebruary 23, 2024April 12, 2024

Special Report

Buyer Beware: Grover Electric Smart Thermostat

Grover Electric, a decades long supplier of electricity in Cinniapolis, has been branching out into the retail sector of electric products for several years now. They’ve produced lamps, chandeliers, and even an electric toothbrush. However, their newest and fastest-selling product, Grover Electric Smart Thermostat, gained quite a bit of traction in 2022, albeit for unintended reasons. Its sleek design and easy-to-use digital interface made it … Continue reading Buyer Beware: Grover Electric Smart Thermostat

CinniapolisJanuary 17, 2023

Opinion

Opinion on Special Election

I’m writing here to express my gratitude to the brave City Council members that voted in favor of the February special election for Mayor. It takes a lot of guts to go against the Gondolas. They have run this city for the past several decades. Under the leadership of Mr. Van Gondola, the city prospered. He attracted businesses, workers, and championed moral behavior over everything … Continue reading Opinion on Special Election

CinniapolisJanuary 12, 2023

Classifieds

Meat For Sale

FOR SALE: 12 lb. Beef Brisket, $35 per pound. Organic, grass-fed beef that melts in your mouth. Brisket is a delicate treat that cooks up swell on your BBQ or Smoker. It can even be cooked in the oven. Get this brisket before the Gondolas outlaw all the beef and prices surge higher. Don’t try Thick Pickins or Dragg’s, they’re out of stock, maybe forever. … Continue reading Meat For Sale

CinniapolisSeptember 9, 2022September 22, 2022

Crime

Dragg Meat and Dairy Ransacked

The red meat panic reached local butcher Gregory Dragg’s store last night. Thieves broke in through the backdoor and made off with dozens of cuts of red meat. No cash or electronics were taken, only the red meat. The thieves stole everything from prime cuts to select cuts of beef, pork, lamb, and venison. However, the white meats were left untouched. The outspoken owner, Mr. … Continue reading Dragg Meat and Dairy Ransacked

CinniapolisAugust 26, 2022August 26, 2022

Sports

Fleck Specs Wins Cinniapolis Derby

Fleck Specs held off the field to win the 35th running of the Cinniapolis Derby at Cinniapolis Prairie. Fleck Specs, trained by Gus Walvon, ran out of the the third post next to the odds-on favorites, Healthy Burger and Cavalier. This is the third victory on the circuit this year for Mr. Walvon and Fleck Specs. “I’m so proud of her (Fleck Specs). She raced … Continue reading Fleck Specs Wins Cinniapolis Derby

CinniapolisJuly 15, 2022August 2, 2022