Dolly is here to advise the Cinniapolis community and answer any questions with grace and honesty. Here is today’s question:

Q: Dear Dolly, while I certainly don’t intend to come off as a braggadocio, I want to let Cinniapolis know that I am quite a catch. I am fit, consume ALL of the necessary vitamins and supplements for peak physical appearance, responsibly budget for biannual cosmetic wellness surgeries, and both men and women tell me I’m quite easy on the eyes. I’ve also been told I lack personality, I’m shallow, and I’m a phony. But, I absolutely deny those negative perceptions of my character. Society needs to get back to ignoring internal, invisible character traits and championing outward physical traits. Otherwise, what’s the point of choking down several pills a day to maintain my perfect appearance? I’ve gone to great lengths to preserve my hair color and spent a considerable amount of savings to nip and tuck, where necessary. I’ve made these improvements in the hope of finding my true soulmate, or settling for a sizzling hot mismatch. Dolly, with all my positive attributes, why am I still single?

Sincerely, Bummed Bodacious Bachelor

A: Dear Bummed Bodacious Bachelor, I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles navigating the seas of love. Those seas can be quite choppy on the way to one’s destination. But rest assured, love is out there, for all of us. Even folks that are consumed by their physical appearance, like yourself. You’re working hard to swallow pills, sit in a chair having your hair dyed, and get knocked out for cosmetic surgery. It’s not an easy life. Nonetheless, there are other folks out there sharing your struggle, striving for outward perfection. You’ll find there is always room in the shallow end for those prioritizing pretty over personality. However, it’s a little known fact that shallow end folks never find perfection because, well, they’re shallow. If you want the Cinniapolis dating pool to know you’re quite a catch, my advice is to wade into the deep end because nobody in the shallow end cares about your journey for love. Plus, unfairly judging you and your personality from your short letter makes me doubt you’ll ever attain enough physical perfection to offset your absent personality.

Sincerely, Dolly