Mayor Gondola met with the local press this morning and provided his outline for 2024. The majority of his speech was the usual political shtick – improve the economy, raise wages for the working class, make Cinniapolis the greatest city on Earth, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, what’s catching the attention of locals is his promise to detain and punish those that defy his recent policies intended to reduce the effects of climate change.

Mayor Gondola was asked a question about the measurable progress from his meat ban, “Well, that’s inconclusive as we stand here today. There are still bad actors out there purposely infiltrating our diets with meat. I’ve said it before but it bears worth repeating, these illegal meat dealers and their customers will be dealt the harshest penalties available to prosecutors. It’s time to get serious about our future and if that means open confrontation with those that defy the values of our community, then our law enforcement agencies will take appropriate measures to rid our streets of illegal meat, along with those that deal it and/or consume it.” When pressed to elaborate, Mayor Gondola continued, “When a drastic law is passed, the initial hope is citizens trust and share the vision to improve our community and save it from guaranteed disasters. When that vision is clouded with criminal activity, it triggers heavy-handed actions from the Government. This is the final warning.” However, when pressed about this “warning”, the Mayor refused to provide any other details.

Community activist Gerard Gonzalez reacted to the news on his CNPS Stream, “The out-of-control boyking Mayor is now openly advocating for systemic violence against those that cannot afford quote-unquote legal foods. Brothers and Sisters, now is the time to fortify your households. Maintain your independence from this tyrannical, abusive Government. Government is not your caretaker nor your friend. This administration is slow-walking us into total dependence on the Government. They took your meat and marked up your fruits and vegetables shortly afterwards. This Summer, they’re taking our electricity. If the time to act isn’t now, then the time will never come. Wherever you are, stand up and shout ‘WE ARE FREE FROM TYRANNY’.”

2024 is only a few days old but it’s shaping up to be quite a year in Cinniapolis. While the figurative community temperature seemed to cool after the tragic events of the infamous Freedom Forever Rally, the mercury is rapidly approaching another boiling point. The political discourse has once again devolved into antagonistic threats from every corner and viewpoint of Cinniapolitans. If folks want a glimpse of their future while simultaneously gauging the abilities of this administration, look no further than the decaying debris of the once great Cinniapolis Performing Arts Theatre. We were promised a rebuild but all we got was a trash pile.