Last night’s City Council session ended with a unanimous passing of measures to ban meat production, sale, purchase, and consumption within the city limits of Cinniapolis, effective September 5th. The rumors have persisted for years now about Mayor Gondola setting his sights on the meat industry, in the name of saving the environment. But, few within his inner circle believed he would follow through on his attempt to eliminate meat from Cinniapolitans’ diets, especially after the resignation of former City Manager Justine Wellington, who championed many extreme policies in the name of saving the environment.

The City Council voted 6-4 to pass “The Human and Home Health Act” which bans the production, sale, purchase, and consumption of natural meat anywhere with a Cinniapolis zip code. The Council and Mayor released a joint statement announcing the legislation. In summary, the act’s goal is to eliminate meat-induced diseases, restore stability to the climate, and preserve Cinniapolis for future generations. This administration believes all of this can be accomplished by banning meat.

Mayor Gondola is on record sharing his affinity for meat alternatives, “There are so, so many super foods that are superior to meat. I changed my diet to plant-based foods in 2019. I have more energy, my thoughts are sharper, and my doc tells me my vitals have improved greatly since I made the change. It’s really amazing that a lab-grown meal tastes just like a the real thing.” However, not all Cinniapolitans feel the same. Gregory Dragg, owner of Dragg Meat and Dairy, said, “It’s not the same, nor better, than natural meat. It’s like salty Jell-O. Not only is this a death sentence for my business, it’s likely the final nail in the coffin of Cinniapolis as we know it. Unless the population stands up for our freedoms, which I plan to do.”

There is much more to decipher from the passing of this act but here are the “positives” relayed to the Chorus from the City Council’s announcement. Citizens will be able to apply for subsidies to their home gardens. Citizens will receive an allowance to apply towards rebates for vegetable purchases through February 2024. Farms and local businesses involved in production, packing, and wholesale of meat products will have the choice to be bought out by the government or be eligible for an interest-free loan to convert their operations to plant-based food production, according to the City Council.

Let the countdown begin, Cinniapolis meat’s shelf-life is now at 60 days. The Chorus never thought it would see the day that it would print the words “meat ban” successively. But, these are the times we live in, and the times are about to get much more interesting as we navigate the meat prohibition era.