Results of three government-funded studies were released to the public this week. As expected, the conclusions support Mayor Gondola’s rumored draconian agenda to turn the gasoline engines off, the lights out, and empty the meat shelves throughout Cinniapolis.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Stop Those Engines (unless they’re electric)
The city-wide network of noise cameras may have been the jab, but the release of a new study, “The City Without Gasoline”, could be the haymaker for gasoline automobiles in Cinniapolis. The study compared regional emissions during the pandemic lockdowns against pre- and post-lockdown emission levels. Predictably, emissions were much lower when there was nowhere to go. While there are varying opinions, the current administration is steadfast in their belief that EVs are the answer to reduce emissions. They are correct. However, the study makes no effort to compare the amount of fossil fuels and energy needed to operate an EV or the amount of mining and materials needed to manufacture an EV compared to gasoline automobiles. While reducing emissions is a short-term win, there is no long-term answer on protecting the environment when the proposed solution is destroying that same environment.

Lights Out
A second study, “Cinniapolis Electricity Consumption”, cherry-picked local office campuses and factories to support this administration’s theory that Cinniapolis wastes electricity at record levels, contributing to increased severe weather in the area. The study resulted in, again, predictable conclusions that less activity at offices and factories consumed less electricity which led to less greenhouse gases blanketing Cinniapolis which led to less severe weather in the region. There have been rumors of rationing electricity and this study’s release seems to support those rumors. However, privately-funded studies have concluded that overall electricity consumption increased during the pandemic because personal use was up while offices still kept the lights on and factories worked overtime to keep up with increased demand for goods.

Where’s the Beef…or Chicken…or Pork
Results from a third study, “Meat, Me, In the Garden”, slandered meat like no study has before. The study took to task the record amount of emissions released from local factory farms that raise cattle for consumption. There have been published reports about red meat bans, but this study concludes all meats should be banned to save the environment. It proposes replacing cattle factory farms with crops to grow plant-based foods. Former City Manager, Justine Wellington, is on record claiming consumption of red meat is a public health crisis and a climate crisis. It appears her influence lingers over this City Council. The Chorus has received a copy of legislation drafts that show this administration has a plan in place to regulate meat production with subsidies to be offered to meat producers who switch to manufacturing plant-based products. The subsidies would also extend to home gardens, if they meet certain guidelines. Sources confirm once the Mayor signs off on the latest draft, meat will be banned from production and consumption in Cinniapolis.

The release of these studies appear to signal changes for Cinniapolitans. With Mayor Gondola in office until 2028 and a City Council holding up the same values and beliefs as him, one certainly might be anxious about these rumors becoming laws. Change is something best left as a choice. If an individual wants to do their part reducing emissions, there are plenty of EVs or bicycles available. If an individual wants to consume less electricity, they can do practical things like adjust their thermostat, unplug devices, or turn out lights when they’re not being used. If an individual wants to change their dietary habits in the name of saving the environment, there are a plethora of plant-based options available nowadays. But, if a Mayor wants to enforce these major changes on his constituents, he’d better be prepared for a mass exodus of the population, as a best case scenario. Or, at worst, an old-fashioned, medieval fight for the city.